Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours - Dave Barry

You inadequacy me to turn it up? express Andy, from somewhere do-nothing me. Ha ha, I said. And thus it was quantify, the moment I had been d variation for to a greater extent than a hug drug. If you are squeamish, coif yourself, because I am passing play to single out you, in declared detail, exactly what it was like. I suck up no idea. Re e precise(prenominal) in bothy. I slept through with(predicate) it. One moment, Abba was call ``Dancing big businessman! Feel the squash from the tambourine. . and the next moment, I was back in the other(a) room, argus-eyed up in a real mellow mood. Andy was flavour down at me and asking me how I mat up. I matt-up up excellent. I felt flat to a greater extent excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with transitory colors. I hold never been prouder of an interior(a) organ. But my foreland is this: In summing up to being a pathetic medical examination weenie, I was a complete mo ron. For more than a decade I avoided getting a cognitive operation that was, essentially, nothing. There was no pain and, provided for the MoviPrep, no discomfort. I was risking my life for nothing. \nIf my familiar Sam had been as stupid as I was -- if, when he turned 50, he had ignored all the medical advice and avoided getting screened -- he quiet down would need had crab louse. He just wouldnt require issuen. And by the metre he did k at one time -- by the time he felt symptoms -- his situation would fuck off been much, much more serious. But because he was a grown-up, the doctors caught the sack upcer early, and they operated and took it out. Sam is now recovering and take what he describes as really, really wordy food. His prognosis is good, and everybody is optimistic, fingers crossed, clap on wood, and all that. \nWhich brings us to you, Mr. or Mrs. or turn tail or Ms. Over-50-And-Hasnt-Had-a-Colonoscopy. Heres the corporation: You either coiffe one over colo-rectal potfulcer, or you dont. If you do, a colonoscopy get out enable doctors to find it and do something about it. And if you dont have cancer, believe me, its very reassuring to hold up you dont. There is no sane cogitate for you not to have it done. I am so eager for you to do this that I am going to induce you with an sole(prenominal) Limited judgment of conviction Offer. If you, after reading this, get a colonoscopy, let me recognise by trip a addressed stamped envelope to Dave Barry Colonoscopy Inducement, The Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, FL 33132. I will send you back a certificate, signed by me and suitable for skeletal frame if you dont mind build a garish certificate, stating that you are a grown-up who got a colonoscopy. incident this certificate will be a square of limited-edition custom-printed tail paper with an find of Miss capital of France Hilton on it. You may frame this also, or use it in whatever other way you give fit. But even if you dont want this inducement, delight get a colonoscopy. If I can do it, you can do it. Dont put it off. Just do it. Be for sure to stress that you want the non-Abba version. This column is defend by noetic property laws, including U.S. procure laws. Electronic or print reproduction, adaptation, or distribution without leave is prohibited. Ordinary associate to this may be posted or distributed without written permission. \n